Description

We, the Fantasia staff, salute you. The fact that you are reading this very text indicates that you are a cinematic connoisseur of thorough and exacting standards. For most, the three-word title of this film should certainly suffice. But you, dear reader, insist on far more rigorously verified confirmation that your expectations will be met and your concerns put at ease when you attend the screening of ALIEN VS NINJA.

Perhaps you still carry emotional scars from that occasion in your innocent youth when you rented MAFIA VS NINJA, the 1984 Hong Kong pajama fight that featured exactly zero ninjas and zero Sicilian mafiosos (that guy Mimo with the knives doesn’t really count). Let us assure you that ALIEN VS NINJA indeed involves alien life. And ninjas. And they fight. A lot. Perhaps, on the other hand, you are concerned that like the ALIEN VS PREDATOR, the storyline will be degraded with endless amounts of ordinary people going blah-blah-blah before any fighting happens. Rest assured, ordinary human beings and their inconsequential hopes, dreams and struggles are afforded as little screen time as possible.

Perhaps you are worried that the potential of so magnificent a combination as alien (a razor-fanged, porpoise-headed alien!) and ninja (a shrieking, throwing-star-throwing ninja!) might be compromised by a mediocre, incompetent film production team. Let us calm your frayed nerves—this film is created by Seiji Chiba and Yuji Shimomura, the guys responsible for the cavalcade of kick-ass called DEATH TRANCE (2005), and moreover, it is the debut production from Sushi Typhoon, a new, extreme-content wing of Japan’s venerable Nikkatsu movie company. Sushi Typhoon is overseen by Yoshinori Chiba, producer of TOKYO GORE POLICE and YATTERMAN, and promises forthcoming works from Fantasia favourites like Sion Sono, Noboru Iguchi, Takashi Miike and Yoshihiro Nishimura.

We at Fantasia hope that the information provided here has convinced you that ALIEN VS NINJA will not fail to deliver the cinematic excellence implicit in its title, and again salute you for recognizing the monumental importance of this film.

—Rupert Bottenberg